Finalmente, após anos e anos de pesquisa, encontramos um cara que é o resumo do "TRUE way of life". Esqueça tudo que você já sabe sobre ser TRUE, porque você está prestes a conhecer

Chuck Norris - O cara TRUE

• In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.
  Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)
  
• Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.
  
• Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
  
• Chuck Norris' blood type is AK+. Ass-Kicking Positive. It is compatible only with heavy construction equipment, tanks, and fighter jets.
  
• In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
  
• The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
  
• There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
  
• What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
  
• Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will fuck you up.
  
• The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.
  
• Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
  
• Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
  
• In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.
  
• Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.
  
• When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
  
• Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.
  
• Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
  
• Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
  
• Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
  
• Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.
  
• If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen
  
• Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way.
  
• There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, since Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
  
• Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decendents now have white hair.
  
• Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
  
• Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."
  
• If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period.
  
• The Sherman tank was originaly called the Norris tank until Chuck Norris decided it wasn't tough enough to be associated with him. The Army, for fear of Chuck Norris, renamed the tank and promised to develop a weapon more fitting of his name. To date, no weapon created has been badass enough to be named after Chuck Norris.
  
• Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition.
  
• Along with his black belt, Chuck Norris often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.
  
• Chuck Norris doesn't play god. Playing is for children.
  
• Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
  
• Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill.
  
• When Chuck Norris was a baby, he didn't suck his mother's breast. His mother served him whiskey, straight out of the bottle.
  
• Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."
  
• In an act of great philanthropy, Chuck made a generous donation to the American Cancer Society. He donated 6,000 dead bodies for scientific research.
  
• Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
  
• In a recent survey it was discovered the 94% of American women lost their virginity to Chuck Norris. The other 6% were incredibly fat or ugly.
  
• According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you.. yesterday.
  
• Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.

Tudo isso foi selecionado das 3 primeiras páginas do site Chuck Norris Facts... São 9 ao todo!

Zumbi do Mato - Espancar e Matar